The nights will burn you alive..Its been a hot summer....havn't done too much. Worked...stayed at home. The usual.
I've found it amusing...only in tragic moments do you find out who your friends really are. Sadly...I seem to have so very little.
I most likely bring it upon myself...as quote from some anime which i heard "We found out your problem...It's your entire personality" Oh how well it seems to suit me. I don't know what's wrong...or what key makes people angry with me. I should know...but somehow i seem to remain oblivious.
I would just like a friend for whom i can talk to...share my soul...in which won't use all the information against me. I have found a few...Emily would shoot me if she saw this..she has been such a good friend, although she lives so far away so i can't see her. Joel..oddly enough he's never done anything to me...or at least that I know of. We arn't superglue close...but i've known him since grade 4...and even on my saddest days, where all i wanted to do was move away so that i wouldn't be with anyone...he said i would have to keep in touch with him no matter what. It just makes my day a little brighter. He's a Gemini, and from what people have told us..i think i'm his twin. We're alot alike...and often finish each other's sentences. I don't think of him -that- way...and I'm glad i dont...or else i would lose him as a friend.
I believe...that I will find a school in which i can transpher to Japan for schooling...then, I will be alone. In which i cannot hurt anyone, and no one can hurt me. Sure it will be lonely, but its worth it.
I believe for the rest of the summer...I will keep to myself, it seems to be the less painful way for everyone, including myself. It seems I should also revert back to keeping everything of importance to myself. Its hard to keep it inside...but it will be best that way.
Pain...its also a funny thing. At the moments you wish to die, take your life...then people begin to care. I could be wrong...that they've cared all along...but i sure don't see it then. People I never talk to, will begin to talk to me the moment im depressed, saying if i end my life..i will forever hurt the ones around me. Yet...the moment I say I wont..they go back to ignoring me. So...i guess that as long as they're happy knowing at least im alive...the world will be good, depsite the pain i would live through every day. Go figure. I suppose my happiness is obselete compared to everyone else's. Selfish i know...but perhaps i will find hapiness when I am gone...not dead...just alone. Perhaps that will make everyone happy.
Sorry for the depressing rant...i needed something to talk to...so why not a bunch of random long distance friends and complete strangers. You can only talk to plushies for so long untill they think your crazy too.
Devious Comments
Believe it or not, we've all felt like no one cares at one point or another, and to be blunt, it's especially true amongst the... /internet-dwelling/ population. I'm not going to pretend that I know the specifics of your situation, for that would not only be rude but irritating, but I do know one basic law of life that always stands. No matter how terrible your situation seems, no wonder how hopeless, how mind-numbingly irremediable, things *always* get better. Even if it seems like you have been faced with constant strife and depression for months and even years now, those stages always come to an end. Bad things happen, then they pass, and then they happen again, and life will never come to a point where it will be entirely grassy green meadows or entirely gloomy desolate wastelands from here on in. And it's for that reason that hope is truly only wasted on the hopeless. Agh, it's a little frustrating, I have the message I'm trying to get across in my mind, but I'm having problems putting it down in the proper language. I hope from all these words you can deduce at least the gist of it. And more than that, I hope your grassy meadow comes soon... no one likes being depressed.
As a side note, I do think that simply in acknowledging that /you/ might be the problem, you are proving yourself to have at least a decent personality. I know so many who have hit the age of forty and *still* don't realize they aren't the perfect portrait of charming that they think they are. So you might take comfort, or you might not care, that you seem to be much more spiritually mature than many older people out there. And in any case, even if you do have something that irritates people, it goes both ways: one is also at fault for not being tolerant and understanding.
I freaking love you, Misty. And it sounds stupid because not only have you only been typed words on a screen to me, but we haven't really talked in forever, but that doesn't mean anything to me, if I could catch a plane and fly up there just to give you a hug, I would. You might not believe me, but I swear it. And obviously I can't know you as well as they do, I've never met you 'in real life', but from what I've seen over the past four years you don't seem to have any sort of personality disorders. And trust me, I know personality disorders. 66;
And finally, I love your art, and I hope to see uploads from you soon. =3 Not if you don't feel like it, though. Don't force yourself or make it a chore or anything. Much love and best of wishes.
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Those words mean so much to me, Its so very true that nothing can be perfect, and nothing can be truely wrong. Although at times..we seem to lose that vital imformation, and drift into a sense of depression without the light, but the words are never truely forgotten.
It goes to show you what great friends, although some distance away, can be just as good as any friends you get to see in your everyday life. We need to seriously start mailing one another again..I still have all the letters you sent me..and that Goldfish of doom on the front of one of your letters
If you were to come up, all the way to canada just to give me a hug..i wouldn't let you. Id...kidnap you or something. Make you stay here with me :3 Cause Misty needs to definately start to keep in touch with her old neo buddies again..its been ages since i've spoken to some people!
Thanks again Kimi, Much love to you too, till I talk to you next. :glomp
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Live like there is no tomorrow, dance like you think your the disco queen
you can always take a picture of them and put them in through the camera….o.o
And write more journals….o.o…not in your other one, but one people read…weirdo…o.o
And we should go do something…….o.o
Do it!
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I long for your presence and I suffer…
Oy!…Quick access!
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